Weekly/Monthly Thoughts:

It has been a month and a few days since my last post. I guess this is a post to update you, my lovely readers, on my life. This is mainly for those of you who wish that I called you more often. I am seriously a failure at communication. Well, good thing I'm taking Communications 101 this term! Maybe my returning phone calls skills will improve.

1. School is busy! I love it and I hate it. I'm taking polysci 200 this term. For those of you who know polysci 200, know what I'm talking about. It's an advanced writing course, which means ten papers in seven weeks. If I'm dead before August, you'll know why.

2. I work for a non-profit called H2O International! My friend Logan founded it and I help run it. It's a lot of work and no pay, but such a good cause. I couldn't help getting involved. We sell water and do other fundraising locally and all our proceeds go to buying water filtration systems and then installing them in villages in poor countries. We're going to Guatemala and Nicaragua next spring. We already have two villages picked out. Obviously, the company is more complicated than this, but that's the basic overview. However, some personal things I need to do before next spring: 1) find money to buy plane tickets and 2) re-learn Spanish! Any wealthy philanthropists want to sponsor me? Okay, that would be great.

3. I feel old and young at the same time. I feel like life is flying by and one day I'm going to look in the mirror and be fifty and not know what happened in between. Although, at the same time, I feel so young and inexperienced. There is so much I don't know, so much I want to do with my life, so much I want to be. I feel like a baby in the world of possibilities.

4. Why is everyone trying to set me up with their friends? Honestly, it's nice and all, but am I not capable of meeting people on my own? Okay, I'm probably not. I suck at dating. However, I don't really like blind dates.

5. Can I just say that this is my favorite picture from this past week? The Dalai Lama with Prince Charles on his visit to England. What an inspiration. The Dalai Lama is one of the best people alive in the world today. I know Heavenly Father has a spot saved for him in the Celestial Kingdom.

Why Jane Austen will always be relevant:

In a way 40% of you, BYU men, are Mr. Collinses. You have all been told by a figure of authority  (Mom, Mission President, Apostle, Prophet, Bishop) that it's time to go out and find a nice wife. I mean, you're an RM now, this is the next step in your life. It's time. And so you go out and try to do just that. Forget about reciprocated love and mutual attraction, as long as she's cute and sweet and looks like she would make a good housewife and mother, then she's the one. Also, boys, it's best to pick someone from your BYU ward or classes. All women at BYU are waiting for marriage, it's your melchizedek duty to help a sister out by blessing her with you, the worthy priesthood holder. Oh, and if girl A ends up being taken, then move on to plan B. Pursue plan B persistently. Invite yourself along to her activities. Seek her out at dances and ask her to dance every slow song. Girls appreciate that. However, if plan B is uninterested, even after you kindly explain to her that it's a commandment from God to get married and she may not have another chance, then I hope there is a less pretty, less interesting, but more desperate friend/roommate named Charlotte Lucas for you. Also, please ignore all Marys that you encounter. You know, the girls that are actually interested in you, like the same things you like, enjoys your obnoxious, planned-out jokes in class, thinks your freckles are cute, and stares longingly at you as you intercept plan B on the stairwell.

This rant is for you, the Mr. Collins in my French class. Remember when you sat next to me, mumbled things incomprehensibly under your breath during class, chatted with me about boring things, probably mission stories, after class, and laughed at everything I said? Well, after a week of polite, simple responses and disinterested looks, you finally got the message and moved on to pretty girl number two. You sit next to her now. She's much nicer to you; she's a much nicer person. Then today, after leaning in and making "witty" comments to her all through lecture, she strategically announced to her friend across the room that her boyfriend is in town for the week. Smooth, Elizabeth, smooth. I would have felt sorry for you, with your crest-fallen face, if it wasn't for Mary sitting on the other side of you! Open your eyes, she likes you! She thinks you're funny and cute and smart and finds your terrible French accent endearing. And she's cute, too! Maybe not the skinny, blonde Elizabeth to your left. But let's face it, skinny, blonde Elizabeth is out of your league. Mary and you would be great together. So great together with your matching freckles. Please, Mr. Collins, why don't you like the girls that like you?

Time to make Life-Changing Decisions:

This past week I re-planned my life, for like the eighteen thousandth time. I filled in some details and changed my college plan. Here's the update:

1. I added a Comms minor. Which means I basically added another year at BYU. Graduation April 2014, anyone? I guess that's when I should graduate anyways.
2. I decided that once I complete all the French courses I need, I'm going to start taking Russian.
3. Going to do an awesome internship, possibly two? Washington Seminar? CFR?
4. Going to apply to an APSIA grad school and get a masters in international affairs. Hopefully, I can get into Columbia. That's my dreammmmm.
5. Going to cut off all my hair and dye it red.

Alright, jk on the last one. Although, I need to do something crazy and drastic to my appearance. Stat. I'm so bored. Piercings? Yes. I think yes.

Thank you, Ida Maria, thank you:

Several times every the day, I feel like belting this song as loud as possible. Not for any particular reason, but because it is so beautiful. (Although, I really wish there was a particular reason.) And then I remember where I am and decide that bursting off-key into this song on the 5th floor of the BYU library is probably not kosher.

Weekly Thoughts:

1. I leave for Utah in three days!
2. It's spring cleaning time for my iTunes. So tortuous, so tedious, so time consuming, but so needed.
3. As I leave home once again, my only regret is leaving behind Missy. iloveyoukitteh.
4. Can't wait to see good friends and have things to do again.
5. By this time next year, I will be finishing up four straight terms/semesters of school. I will probably be dying.
6. Spring is definitely mating season. Erryone and their roommate is getting engaged and married. Happy for them and glad it's not me.
7. I have a lot of crap to pack.

The Mower to the Glow-Worms:

Ye living lamps, by whose dear light
The nightingale does sit so late,
And studying all the summer night,
Her matchless songs does meditate;

Ye country comets, that portend
No war nor prince’s funeral,
Shining unto no higher end
Than to presage the grass’s fall;

Ye glow-worms, whose officious flame
To wand’ring mowers shows the way,
That in the night have lost their aim,
And after foolish fires do stray;

Your courteous lights in vain you waste,
Since Juliana here is come,
For she my mind hath so displac’d
That I shall never find my home.

- Andrew Marvell

First Aid Kit - Emmylou

He is Risen:

Happy Easter! The most important and yet the least celebrated religious holiday of the year.

My life in five years:

Age: 25
Location: Upper West Side or Greenwich Village, Manhattan, New York City.
Marital Status: Single and dating.
Place of Employment: Church Office of Foreign and International Affairs, CIA, the United Nations, CFR, or some equally important job that involves being cool and working in IR.
Pets: Cat with human name, like George or Martin.
Friends: All smart, successful, and interesting.
Apartment: Small, but nice with roommates.
Car: none!
Fitness level: Excellent, from walking everywhere and jogging in Central Park.
Fashion level: 10
Good habits: Going to lots of shows, art exhibits, museums, concerts, plays, etc.
Bad habits: Buying too many designer shoes that I can't afford.
Current goal: Saving for another trip to Europe.

Panc Update:

For those who would like to know, my pesky little pancreatic tumor is still alive and thriving. The tumor is benign and very small right now, but will inevitably turn malignant. One day, probably in my 30s or 40s, it will either spread to my other organs, most likely the liver, and cause problems; or it will grow to a massive size, cause excruciating pain, and cut off the pancreatic bile duct; or turn cancerous. Bottom line, it needs to come out soon before any of this can happen. So, I need surgery. Wait... what? Isn't that why I came home in the first place? Didn't I already decide not to put it off, but be safe and have the surgery as soon as possible? Didn't I come home to get it out and never have to worry about it ever again? Ha. I guess I could give up more school and plan the surgery for this spring... except that there is no way in Hades my sanity could survive another 3-4 months at home. Luckily, the tumor isn't likely to make any progress for awhile. My doctor is comfortable with waiting and watching it for another year to a year and a half, but no more. Therefore, the agreed plan of is:

1) In six months, this August, have another EUS (in other words, take a looksie at the ol' tumor.) If it has grown or changed significantly, plan the surgery for the fall. (please, no)
2) If it hasn't grown or changed significantly (more likely outcome), in another six months, February/April 2013, have another EUS. If tumor is still there and looking menacing, then plan the surgery for later that year, AFTER I GRADUATE.
3) If anything changes in the meantime, like increased pain or symptoms, I need to declare a state of emergency and go to the hospital.

To conclude,

The bad news is:
1) I still need surgery.
2) I gave up a semester at school for nothing. I basically just wasted 3 months at home when I could have been having the stupid tumor scooped out.
3) Everything could still change.
4) I get to have at least two more EUSes! It's not like they make my panc hurt for two days or anything.
5) I may not be able to ever go on a mission.

The good news is:
1) Uhhh... I get to wait until after I graduate to have surgery?
2) At least I know about the tumor and I won't die from pancreatic cancer at 45.