My Perfect Life:

I wrote this one day during a particularly insignificant day in D&C. Inspired by Lauren.

1. We will live in an English manor in the countryside.
2. I will marry a tall, dark, handsome man who has a good job and makes lots of money.
3. If England doesn't work out, then I will live in the Pacific Northwest, New England, or Northern California.
4. I will work for the Church International Office in London... or the CIA.
5. I will attend graduate school or law school on the East Coast, preferably New York City.
6. We will travel to France as often as we can.
7. We will have four children and they will have nice, classy names that were not originally surnames, are not made up, and are spelled completely normal. Names from the Bible are always good.
8. Everything I wear will be from Anthropologie.
9. Most things in my house will be from Anthropologie.
10. My house will have lots of pretty things that won't necessarily be coordinated. I will not decorate in the cliche "Mormon family" way, ex. there will not be life slogans or scriptures in stick-on letters on my walls.
11. My house will have a library full of history books and classic literature.
12. We will have lots of parties with good family friends and great food cooked by me.
13. My husband and I will have hot, steamy sex all the time, and it will never become boring.
14. Our family will have Saturday morning chores with loud, obnoxious music.
15. Our family will have "our row" in church.
16. My kids will be forced to participate in sports.
17. I will have a pearl and diamond engagement ring.
18. I will make my boys wear three-piece suits to church for as long as they will let me.
19. My husband and I will be wealthy and important and attend formal parties and charity events where I will have to wear a fancy dress and he will have to wear a tux.
20. We will take our family on many trips to the beach.
21. We will go on couple vacations and leave our children with our parents.
22. We will take advantage of any opportunity to live overseas.
23. We will have two cats that will stay indoors and one big dog that will stay outdoors.
24. I will take a ridiculous amount of photos and have a million photo albums.
25. We will send our kids to private schools where they have to wear uniforms.
26. I will never get fat.
27. We will have funky Christmas traditions that our kids will roll their eyes about, but secretly love.
28. We will get married in the Portland temple in the summer.
29. We will live happily ever after.

You Know You're Back in Portland When:

1. The airport toilets have a water conserving flush option.
2. Every man ages 20 to 35 has either scruff or a beard.
3. Every other car on the highway is a Subaru.
4. Every other Subaru is mud splattered and the driver thinks it's bad***.
5. It's been three days, and you still haven't seen the sun.
6. The flannel shirt section of H&M is completely picked over.
7. People downtown ask you to sign a petition to legalize marijuana.
8. It's raining outside, but no one is carrying an umbrella or seems to care.

Welcome back to the PNW.

Things I am Thinking About Today:

1. To the men at BYU, boxer butt is bad enough, but garment butt is 100 times worse. Please pull your pants up.
2. I think I speak for the women of BYU when I say that I am really glad that November is over.
3. I ruin everything when it comes to relationships. I am like a parasitical infection that devours and consumes any potential of happiness.
4. I really want to make fudge, and then eat the whole batch.
5. Next semester when I'm gone, I will probably get really depressed, not talk to anyone, and then lose the ability to tactfully communicate with people. I'll probably acquire Asperger's.
6. I think PMS affects me a lot.