Feminist Professors:

I walked into my Women in World History class and was not surprised to find a room full of girls and a few boys sprinkled here and there. The professor, a short older women with a boisterous voice and an apparent enthusiasm for exposing female disenfranchisement throughout history, began the class by explaining that boys only sign up for her class to "look at the ladies." "It's okay," she continued, "they can't help being horrible." She jokingly added that the men will have to work 75% harder than the women to get the same grade.

Next, she talked about that if you lived during Victorian times and were working class, it was inevitable that you would be raped. Since everyone was so sexually repressed, men took advantage of any female thrown in their path. If you were a servant in a household, you would be raped by the master of the house. If you were a wet nurse, you would be raped by your employer. If you worked in a shop, you would be raped by your boss. Because, well, every single man on this earth, past and present, is a dirty, rotten sex fiend. And when you had your illegitimate baby, you would have very few options. You could A) keep the baby, lose your job, end up on the streets, and probably die soon after, B) abandon the baby somewhere so it will end up in an orphanage, or C) kill the baby in a few mentioned horrible ways. All this because men are slimy slime balls who can't keep their hands off "the help."

She concluded the class by explaining that the idea that men are smarter than women is absurd. She explained that the most powerful men in history had an ambitious wife by their side being the real brains behind the man, manipulating opportunities for her husband by using feminine powers of persuasion in the right social circle, and overall encouraging him to become great. Basically, these guys were putty in the hands of their wives; they would have been nothing without the help of an intelligent, domineering woman. Examples of these powerful leaders are Napoleon Bonaparte, Alfred Nobel, and King Henry VIII. Somehow I bet her favorite fictional character is Lady Macbeth.

Ahhh, a whole quarter of feminist history.